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Some important letters for a random Friday

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Dear self image,

Oh you sweet, silly thing. You have this adorable idea in your head that being the international woman of mystery is sexy and sophisticated, when actually, being the international woman of mystery, means you arrive with five extra pounds and looking bedraggled like fat, fat the water rat, and feeling about as light and graceful as the plane you came on, and it’s going to take a good day for each hour of time difference before you feel normal again. So don’t go stepping on that scale and depressing yourself for at least the first week. Pretty soon you’ll feel better, (and lighter). PS. You know all of this!

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Dear cats,

I love you and want you to have the best of everything, and have really, really tried to live with your crinkly tube toy, and especially since it only cost $3 at the charity shop, but I can’t stand looking at that tacky leopard print. It reminds me of a call girl’s mini skirt, and, even if IT was cheap, I know YOU don’t want to be. So play your little hearts out…it doesn’t have long to live.

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Dear smuggled San Francisco jade plant,

What can I say? I’m so completely over the moon in love with you and your little roots and new little green shoots. Thank you or not dying in my absence. I’m sorry I couldn’t find a way to smuggle your British orchid sister to Vancouver, but then we probably would have been pushing our luck and, if I go to jail, who will admire you and write you love letters? So the best thing for you to do to say thank you for my love is to grow your little heart out. Grow for two. Glad you see things my way.

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Dear my mobile phone provider,

Stop calling me at suppertime! Stop calling me pushing your new contracts! Stop calling Chloe! Stop trying to sign me up for new options! Stop trying to explain those options when I tell you I’m busy making supper! Stop trying to argue when I say I don’t want my monthly bill to increase! Stop trying to insist that an increase of $7 will be the same as the contracts I have right now…$7!…That’s almost two Sbux chai tea lattes right there! You know what, tell me when your suppertime is and I’ll call you.

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Dear brain,

Do you see this right here, this tile? Last week you insisted you could never make something like this and this week you’re considering a series of bespoke tiles for the fireplace. How hard can it be? You can figure out how to do anything, let alone design, paint, and fire a few poxy tiles. So do myself a favour and disregard the odds against anything you ever feel like you want myself to do. Now follow your instincts, listen to inner desires, and be determined and persistent. Now chant this seventeen times/day.

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Now that I got that off my chest, I’m sharing with Nancy 😀

Comments: 25

  • January 17, 2014
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    All very interesting and I conferred with my cat and she wants a crinkly tube now too 🙂

  • January 17, 2014
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    Fantastic photos!
    I can’t believe your cell phone provider kept on calling you! That has to be so annoying. Is it possible to turn off your cell during this time while you’re preparing supper?

  • January 17, 2014
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    Can’t you just tell your cell phone company to quit calling you? We have laws in the U.S. about that ya know! 🙂
    Love the crinkly tube and I know our Jack would too — might have to make one myself!

  • January 17, 2014
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    Love your description of the leopard print and what you associate it with.

  • January 17, 2014
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    gorgeous butterfly or is that a moth? love all the colors. your cat is too funny – looking out with one eye. precious! wonder if he has a plan? i bet so. ha. ha!! ( :

  • January 17, 2014
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    Chase Bird would probably love the crinkly toy. But I hear you on the leopard print. The jade plant is one of my favorites. I don’t have one now, but I used to hover over mine, trying to keep it going. And I like what you wrote to your brain–Yes, you can figure out a way to do whatever you set out to do. 🙂

  • January 17, 2014
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    I’ll gladly take the extra pounds to fly internationally!!! Want me to step in for you?
    As for the leopard kitty toy, that photo is purr-ecious.
    And my cellphone carrier can’t contact me…well, they can, but I have caller ID on the contacts I want to answer, and special ringtones for them as well…if I don’t see their face/and hear their ringtone…I don’t answer. LOL

  • January 17, 2014
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    Great tile and i love that Jade plant!

  • January 17, 2014
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    hilarious.
    i’ve the hiccups now.
    i don’t even blame you.
    cheers! n?

  • January 17, 2014
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    I always enjoy your random 5!!! I don’t know why…just they appeal to me. Love the peek-a-boo kitty shot.

  • January 17, 2014
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    jack & harry say if you are going to toss that crinkly toy, toss it to them …

  • January 18, 2014
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    Cute pic of kitty in tube. I am frustrated trying to grow stuff here…everything burns up.

  • January 18, 2014
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    My eyes are starting to get heavy which means I need to get to bed but I wanted to say I enjoyed your post. I really like the cats leopard print toy, leopard print is so in! Gorgeous butterfly photo.
    I hate telemarking calls of any kind and this week I even got a scam call supposedly from Micro-Soft about our computer being infected with a virus. (I hung up) geez….don’t people have anything better to do.

  • January 19, 2014
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    Oh, thank you so much for the laugh! i could hear myself in your words. They rang so true. Cats love what they love, they don’t care what it looks like, only if it “plays right”. Soon enough they will be bored with it and you can make it disappear. Lovely photographs!

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