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some days

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Yesterday afternoon I went to a memorial service for a family friend and, as usual, I’m re-examining my life. His name was Dragan and he was a doctor, like my parents, and we have known him and his family since we came to Canada some 40+yrs ago. It’s just amazing to me how we all coast along collecting our days and experiences, and years and years pass.

Then comes a celebration of life, 89 years of Dragan’s life, and slowly it becomes clear that my day by days, my life experiences aren’t good enough.

I’m thinking that I need to make life goals. Then thinking about all the people I know who make life goals and why they are better than me.
I’m wondering how it’s possible that some people get to do exactly what they want.
I’m marveling at, while simultaneously hating, people who do exactly what they want.
I’m thinking, “I’m going to visit all the countries I haven’t see in all the world in the next ten years!” and then realizing that there are a ton of countries on that list, so probably not.

I like to think that my angst gives me the air of a sullen Bohemian with a true world view and a penchant for taking important photographs, but as usual I’m floundering in a thin watery gruel of self-doubt. But what else is new?

Anyway, there’s work to be done. Bulbs need planting, roses need pruning, weeds need pulling, and leaves need raking. Oh, and there’s a note pinned to my car keys which says “buy beans and lentils.”

PS: Here is the only photo of Dragan I could find yesterday. Here he is somewhere in his 40s, impeccably dressed, as he always was.
PSS: That’s my mom
PSSS: She’s going to kill me for this photo.

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Comments: 20

  • October 28, 2015
    reply

    Aww hugs Veronica. My husband told me when my cousin died quite young it was a reminder to live. I know it’s not possible to do all our big plans but every day there is something new or special in our lives. I’m sitting watching a very dramatic sky changing by the moment, but all day I’ve moaned about it being dark and gloomy, that’s not so bad now I’ve taken the time to see.
    Enjoy your gardening
    Jill xx

  • October 28, 2015
    reply

    Yes, we all need these reminders, it seems. Today, one of my brothers had a major heart operation ( 5 bypasses) but he is doing okay according to the doctors. Will be taking a while to recover but at least this major part is achieved. Take care, Veronica!

  • October 28, 2015
    reply

    We forget so easily don’t we…. Every day is a present, and we must unwrap it each morning with glee and be happy to be above ground, thankful each night we have lived and laughed and loved… and just breathe…. mxxxx

  • October 28, 2015
    reply

    Bucket List time?

  • October 28, 2015
    reply

    Well, I’d like to politely disagree, and I dearly hope you aren’t offended by it. I see so much damage done to people’s souls and lives because of the idea that they or their experiences aren’t “good enough.” I’d hate for anyone to think that about themselves. Or to think that others are better than them simply because they have life goals. Why do we need life goals? Maybe the meaning and purpose of life is to plant bulbs, prune roses, live each day for itself, love each person for themselves, and celebrate the things that never seem to make it into funeral presentations – the smile shared over breakfast, the first deep breath of fresh air when going outside on an autumn morning, the sound of our baby laughing just for us.

    Well, those are just my thoughts, anyway. ((Hugs)) to you, I am sorry for your loss. Dragan looks like a lovely gentleman.

    • October 29, 2015
      reply

      I’m with you Sarah. Defy the tyranny of the bucket list!

  • October 29, 2015
    reply

    Life goals: Be happy. The end.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoEezZD71sc
    Have a watch, I think you’ll find it amusing, and maybe a little inspiring.
    x

  • daryledelstein

    October 29, 2015
    reply

    hello .. do you have a mirror? good. take a good look at who is looking back at you .. a woman who has raised 3 children into fabulous adults, a woman who can pick up and dojust about any art form she spies .. who can accomplish more in one day than i can in a week … as Cher said SNAP OUT OF IT … you’re amazing!!!!!!!!!

  • October 29, 2015
    reply

    Coincidence. I’m in self-reflection and seize the moment mode too. Maybe the season? Go easy on yourself and celebrate both yours and Dragan’s lives. Hugs

  • October 31, 2015
    reply

    Sorry to hear of your friend .. A celebration of life. And you know what, you are an amazing person V .. So very talented .. I’m with Daryledelstein .. You go grab that mirror!

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