I’m afraid this may be a bit of a maudlin post, but the photos and the thoughts have been sitting in my computer and head for a few days now and I suppose have to be said and seen somehow, so here they are.
It seems like yesterday that I was at home in England.
Last night, in my dreams I heard the feral cat Mondo yowling for food outside the cottage. I woke up with a start, and before I knew it, I was in the kitchen automatically filling a cat bowl to bring out to him.
Then, full sleepy eyes and jet lagged brain in the middle of the night, I realised that I was in my Vancouver kitchen, and that it was Morgan yowling wanting to come inside.
I had to laugh, but not to be all maudlin, I felt really sad and lonely and weepy too. That’s what you get at 2am, huh?
Sometimes, and especially just after a long, wonderful and full summer, it’s hard switching countries.
I miss Robbie, miss Theo, and miss all that is home in E, but at the same time miss and feel a responsibility to Morgan and Milo, my mom, Kerstie, Jon and my beautiful grands, but at the same time miss and feel a responsibility to Robbie and Theo…. you get the picture. (At least I’m a little off the hook with our Clover because she’s still in Japan.)
So here I am in Van.
And it’s beautiful.
And I’m maudlin missing E and not being able to live in the moment.
And that’s the reality of today.
But then, it’s Wednesday evening, I managed to get thru the first three days and nights, (including a bout of food poisoning from the airplane meal), and tomorrow is a new day.
I’ve picked up three canvases for an anonymous art show, I’ve contacted a few possible art venues, I’ve sorted appointments for the necessities of health: dental cleaning, surgery follow up, yoga class resumption, I’ve done the grocery shopping, a few hours of gardening, curbside recycling…it’s all starting to fall into place.
I’ve brushed (at least tried to brush) Morgan and played with Milo, I’ve caught up with Kerstie and my granddaughters, and hopefully will be able to catch up with Jonathan, Chantal and my grandson soon.
And, after this rather hectic week, I’m really looking forward to Sunday morning and a bit of a lie-in and a long chat with Robbie and a good read of the British newspapers and magazines I brought home from Heathrow.
I keep reminding myself that we all go thru times like these.
Maybe you don’t live in two different countries, but plenty of us have grown families, aging parents, loved ones all over the world away from us for months, maybe even years, at a time.
We all go thru soul searching and heartaches and melancholy and trying to live in some sort of version of the future where everything works perfectly and everyone is close by and there is no sadness.
Kind of like the Disney version of life.
So for now I’ll just acknowledge my feelings, and eventually, not too long from now, the melancholy will pass, life will normalise, and the sun will shine again.
Whew, I feel better already.