Yesterday, today, and tomorrow, a lesson in being maudlin.
I’m afraid this may be a bit of a maudlin post, but the photos and the thoughts have been sitting in my computer and head for a few days now and I suppose have to be said and seen somehow, so here they are.
It seems like yesterday that I was at home in England.
Last night, in my dreams I heard the feral cat Mondo yowling for food outside the cottage. I woke up with a start, and before I knew it, I was in the kitchen automatically filling a cat bowl to bring out to him.
Then, full sleepy eyes and jet lagged brain in the middle of the night, I realised that I was in my Vancouver kitchen, and that it was Morgan yowling wanting to come inside.
I had to laugh, but not to be all maudlin, I felt really sad and lonely and weepy too. That’s what you get at 2am, huh?
Sometimes, and especially just after a long, wonderful and full summer, it’s hard switching countries.
I miss Robbie, miss Theo, and miss all that is home in E, but at the same time miss and feel a responsibility to Morgan and Milo, my mom, Kerstie, Jon and my beautiful grands, but at the same time miss and feel a responsibility to Robbie and Theo…. you get the picture. (At least I’m a little off the hook with our Clover because she’s still in Japan.)
So here I am in Van.
And it’s beautiful.
And I’m maudlin missing E and not being able to live in the moment.
And that’s the reality of today.
But then, it’s Wednesday evening, I managed to get thru the first three days and nights, (including a bout of food poisoning from the airplane meal), and tomorrow is a new day.
I’ve picked up three canvases for an anonymous art show, I’ve contacted a few possible art venues, I’ve sorted appointments for the necessities of health: dental cleaning, surgery follow up, yoga class resumption, I’ve done the grocery shopping, a few hours of gardening, curbside recycling…it’s all starting to fall into place.
I’ve brushed (at least tried to brush) Morgan and played with Milo, I’ve caught up with Kerstie and my granddaughters, and hopefully will be able to catch up with Jonathan, Chantal and my grandson soon.
And, after this rather hectic week, I’m really looking forward to Sunday morning and a bit of a lie-in and a long chat with Robbie and a good read of the British newspapers and magazines I brought home from Heathrow.
I keep reminding myself that we all go thru times like these.
Maybe you don’t live in two different countries, but plenty of us have grown families, aging parents, loved ones all over the world away from us for months, maybe even years, at a time.
We all go thru soul searching and heartaches and melancholy and trying to live in some sort of version of the future where everything works perfectly and everyone is close by and there is no sadness.
Kind of like the Disney version of life.
So for now I’ll just acknowledge my feelings, and eventually, not too long from now, the melancholy will pass, life will normalise, and the sun will shine again.
Whew, I feel better already.
Debra She Who Seeks
Celtic spirituality says that times and spaces of transition are sacred and to be revered. Perhaps that will help?
It is hard when the world is so big and so small at the same time, and everyone seems to be so widely dispersed. I agree with Debra about revering transitions of time and space. But that doesn’t mean its easy. Sorry too that you got sick. I hope you’re feeling much more settled soon.
Welcome back to Canada! I so enjoyed your travels in England…..looked forward to your posts and LOVED the videos.
Love and blessings to you – thank you as always for this perfect and poignant exposition of that tender lonely place that I know too well – it was so wonderful to see you while you were here and I just LOVE the beautiful painting you gave me – big hug X
Transitions are difficult and can’t be hurried. When I travel, I sometimes miss home, but when I’m home, I think longingly of travel. I think it might be part of the human condition to long for what is not our present moment. Your photos are so evocative. The immense open space of the wood and stone barn is in direct opposition to the cozy house. Is that a little iron Scotty dog in the second to last photo? If so, I have a duplicate, made by my uncle over 60 years ago.
Oh Veronica, I know so very much how you feel, I am living it too at the moment, still… Keep hoping I can find work at home, but here I am at work 1500 miles away, I have to go on, been here five weeks on Wednesday when I get to leave… Living in a stranger’s house with nothing of my own except a very limited change of clothes… It’s blah! Bit low myself these last couple of weeks! Lol which I am now sharing with the world lol 🙂 We do what we do kid! <3 Thank you for your words and photographs xx
Oh V I’m behind reading your posts, I’m away on holiday. And I spotted this and had to pop over. I got teary thinking about you and how you do this .. You are a brave girl. I can only imagine how much you miss your man and E .. Theo too if course. I’m thinking of you treasure. Beautiful images my friend …
jetlag of the heart, i call it
that is brilliantly honest and you are so allowed to feel this way, now and again (and especially at important switches such as your going to and fro different countries). you seem to be understanding perfectly what is happening, and yeah, you can but keep calm and carry on, in the end. it’s moments like these we do effectively scoop inside ourselves and come up with ideas and possibilities anyway… it is a very creative time indeed, besides, erm, maudlin. i love maudlin, by the way!
so, yeah. let’s publish, he? ;))) n?
Veronica, stopped by for a reread of this thoughtful post with the beautiful photos. I, too, find that writing, walking or doodling clears the mind space. Glad this worked for you!